How To Stay Motivated Despite Drawbacks

These past few days I've been struggling with probably one of the most devastating things to happen to me to date. But, as I was sitting on the bathroom floor, I went through my tried and true healing process which eventually led to me standing up and walking out with a smile on my face. This entire ordeal brought back to memory when recently my laptop stopped working (but I didn't) and so many of you guys reached out and said you were inspired by my work ethic and ability to overcome horrible situations.

I think, that's kind of what I want to get into today. When extremely unfortunate and miserable things happen to me, I've learnt to experience and defeat them simultaneously. Little by little. Step by step. And it's almost become a habit by now to put myself through that process. This healing process is something I want to share with you guys. I think life is so messy and unpredictable that we need to know how to navigate it in that way. Because, at the end of the day, we can only control ourselves. We cannot control the person in the car honking behind us. We cannot control the person who messes up our order at the restaurant. We can't control the weather to make it rain when we're inside and be sunny when we're out. We are in charge of solely, how we react to the unpredictable.

But just hold on one second! Before we get into this week's post, if you're new to my blog, welcome! This week's post is a little different from what we usually do here but still you should 100% subscribe so you can get notified every time I drop a new post, whether it be the usual or something a little more personal like this! To my usual readers, I love you! Oh, one last thing, don't forget to tap that little heart icon at the end of this post because every tap cleanses my black heart. Alright now that that's out of the way this is: How To Stay Motivated Despite Drawbacks.

To discuss these tips I think it's important for me to get into my situation first so I can apply them and you guys can see a little more clearly what I mean. Plus, I always want to be transparent and honest with you guys because otherwise, what's the point?

My Devastating Story

I'm not even sure how to articulate this in a way that will carry or express every thing I went through, but I'll try my best.

Two years ago, I visited Canada for a month to see my brother and when I came back to Jamaica I knew immediately that I wanted to live there. From the very moment I landed, I made up my mind in that very second that I would do every single thing in my power to get into a Canadian university. My mind made was made up.

Prior to this, new-found determination I was never the special student. Ever. I had okay grades, I wasn't in any clubs. I was quite average, to be completely honest. But when I came back to Jamaica after that trip I knew that average was not going to cut it. So I dedicated everything into being the best and most perfect student that I could be.

I went to a new school and I threw myself so far in that all my friends from my past school were literally in awe of everything I was doing. From the grade boost, to joining (and becoming President) of clubs, I worked so hard. I feel like that sentence doesn't even capture the tip of the iceberg. But trust me when I say I did a lot and everything I did, I did so I could go to a university I loved in Canada.

Fast forward, I found a school I fell in love with, found my dream program and got an amazing scholarship. I was one of 3 people in the world to get that scholarship and I think at the time I thought it was God's little way of telling me that everything was going to work out. I picked my courses, got my student visa but earlier this week, a week before I should board my flight, my family let me know that it's not financially feasible for me to go anymore.

Once again, I'm at a loss to even begin to describe what I felt. I did everything. Everything. And yet, it didn't work out. It took me a whole 24 hours to process the reality that every single thing I had done for the past two years was all in vain. It's so much to digest that it almost doesn't feel real. This led me to my bathroom floor incident I mentioned earlier. I didn't cry (despite wanting to) but instead I got up, looked in the mirror and smiled. Whenever I go through something that crushes my heart into tiny little pieces, I follow the same strategy every time to help me through it. These steps have honestly changed my life and I think it can change yours too.

1. Work Through Your Emotions

Deciding I need to sit on the bathroom floor.

I think we often mistake dealing with our problems and emotions for pushing them aside. But the thing is, if you discard the things that hurt you, there's no possible way you can learn from them. When things don't go your way I think that is the time when it is most important to just be present. Feel everything. Be alone with yourself. Allow your mind and heart to go however far they need to go. Express yourself in your most extreme form because from that you'll be able to understand your situation a lot better and become more in tune with yourself.

If you need to talk to yourself, do that. If you need to draw, paint, write, run, jump, anything. Do it. Feel whatever it is that your body wants you to feel. There is no such thing as a point of no return so just go as far as you need to before you think you're ready to come back.

For me, I talked in the mirror a lot and envisioned myself on my dream campus. Depressing, I know.

2. Accept The Things You Cannot Change

Sitting on the bathroom floor.

Once you've allowed your emotions to be set wild, the next step is to analyze your situation. Repeat it to yourself over and over again in full detail so you can fully grasp the severity of whatever it is you're experiencing and act accordingly later on. This step is a lot easier after step one because as you're picking a part your mishaps they won't deter you emotionally as much because you've already let that all out.

Now, you're able to think a little more clearly and see your situation for what is. From there, come to terms with the aspects of your situation that you simply cannot change. Don't even focus on the things you can change. That would be too much. It's important to accept the inevitable early-on so you won't find yourself stressing over it and making wishes when a clock hits 11:11. You don't want to waste your time and energy fighting a battle you've already lost. Recognize the things you cannot change and call a truce with them. Your mind will be set at ease thereafter.

For me, I had to accept the fact that my ass was staying in Jamaica for the next four years. But the more I said it, the less bad it sounded.

3. Be Your Own Hypeman

Standing up from the bathroom floor.

I'm about to say the realest thing you will ever hear. Ready? No one will have your back like you will. No one. Not saying there won't be people who love and support you but:

1. You can't expect anyone to love and want the best for you if you can't even love and want the best for yourself.

2. The validation that you receive from within yourself is priceless. Nothing that you will get from anyone in this world, not even your mother or your significant other or best friend, will even come close to comparing. And that's that on that.

Everything you do has to start with you. That includes support. I've learnt that a lot of times you need to learn to cry on your own shoulder. You need to learn how to give yourself a pep talk. You need to learn to wipe your own tears. In the midst of your heartbreak allow yourself to be reminded of just who you are. Of your dreams and your accomplishments. Your wins and losses. That you didn't come this far only to give up.

So you see, when I was sitting on that bathroom floor ready to throw in the towel, I had to do a double-take. "Matthew Dawkins? Are you-are you giving up? What the hell do you think you're doing?" I have to, in that state remind myself that I'm a whole king and I will get better because I deserve better. Because I'll tell you this right now, people can tell you stuff like that but it won't mean a damn thing if you don't believe it. Ever had that feeling where people try to cheer you up and everything they say just bounces off? Been there. But, you see when you're able to tell yourself that? Trust me. There's nothing like it. You will feel that.

4. Look On The Bright Side

Looking in the bathroom mirror.

It sounds a little cliche but it holds a little weight, too. There is absolutely always a silver lining. You just have to look. The silver lining could be as little as "At least I'm alive". Then it can get brighter with "At least I had some bomb food yesterday". Then it can grow with "At least I know what I want to do". Follow that string of positivity through your pain and ultimately bring back to memory everything that you have to be grateful for. I promise you, it is there. Just look.

For me, my silver lining was that at least I can afford to go to University in Jamaica. There are a lot of people who cannot afford that. At least I can pursue my driver's license. At least I made amazing friends that I get to see still because we'll both be going to the same University.

Balance is key, readers. Key.

5. Things Will Always Get Worse...But Better Too

Walking out of the bathroom with a smile.

Now, you can see things a lot more rationally. Good. It probably would be a good time to also remember that this was one in an infinite amount of bad things that are bound to happen to you.

But, wait! Look how strong you are for jumping this hurdle with poise, technique and strength. That is a win in and of itself, not to mention that greatness is out there waiting for you too. Both will come your way, but what you choose to focus your efforts on will determine your outcome. It has so far hasn't it?

Conclusion

And just like that, you've not only healed but you're more equipped to deal with any situation you might face after this.

If you guys found this post inspiring or helpful be sure to hit that little heart icon below and comment telling me how this changed your perception/how it made you feel! I'm really interested to hear because I write stuff like this so we can bond and understand each other more! Go off in the comments!

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